Quick poll: Did you notice I didn’t write a blog last week?
You’re welcome to send me an email and check yes or no, but if we keep it informal, I bet you probably didn’t even think about it until I brought it up just now. In contrast, I haven’t stopped thinking about it for over a week now.
I’ve been writing these blogs and sending these emails weekly for about six years now. That’s over 300 emails in a row, very, very rarely missed. Especially over the last three years, I don’t actually think I have missed a week, which is still an impressive 150+ email streak.
It’s a lot of work, but come hell or high water, I’ve always got this post written and ready to go, sometimes scheduled for several weeks out if I know I’m going to be taking off work for a period of time. It’s the one thing I make sure to check off my task list every week. Even if everything else goes wrong and nothing else gets done, this post does not get missed.
As you may remember, the last two months have been a whirlwind for me. (A friend called it swirly this morning, and it was the perfect word to describe how everything has felt.) We decided to buy a house, did the shopping, managed to stay married, moved, still managed to stay married. I decided to search for full-time employment and embarked upon the tedious job itself of the job hunt. I led a live group coaching cohort in September and did three speaking engagements in October. I’m still trying to keep in touch with friends out of town and build friendships with friends in town. I’m still trying to take care of my body and make sure it’s eating, sleeping, and moving. (I even did a modified sugar detox, which is a story for another day.) And I’m still trying to be kind and compassionate toward myself and everyone, even as the world is a wild and scary place to be right now.
And through all of that, I also still managed to find and use my scant bits of available time to write and send this email.
Until last week.
It was on my Top Three every single day. I had a few ideas, but nothing I could seem to manage to put together in my head or on the blank page. By Friday, it was the lone task left unchecked every single day. And alas, it stayed unchecked.
And while a few years ago, that would’ve been so devastating, I would’ve berated myself for days, this time, the more I got to thinking about it toward the end of the day, the less guilty and the oddly better I felt. In typical Kourtney fashion, I asked myself the same hard questions I would ask any coaching client, and it helped:
What are you really doing this for? Who are you really doing this for? Why? Is all that still true or relevant? What happens if you don’t do it?
Turns out, my answers were a bit surprising, but very much genuinely aligned with my values and beliefs.
I do this for a variety of reasons, a few of which being my genuine desire to help and share resources and insights, because it keeps me flexing my creativity and writing muscles, and yes, because it helps build my business through SEO and audience engagement.
I do it for you. I do it for me. But I also learned that I, um, do it for my, um, ego maybe a little bit more than I’d realized. My consistency here is a point of pride for me, and I often share that I never miss a week writing this email. People are always impressed, especially other business owners. Receiving (and obviously, unconsciously seeking) that validation was something I enjoyed.
Most of that is still relevant, but the “what happens if you don’t?” question really struck me – as it usually does for most people.
If I don’t write this post, you won’t hate me. If I don’t write this post, I am not a total failure. If I don’t write this post, I’m not letting anyone down, even myself. If I skip a week, I’m not breaking any contracts or agreements. If I skip a week, or three, probably not much of anything happens at all.
It’s slightly sad to really realize that, but also remarkably freeing. It helped me to see that the intention here was always joy, never a burden, and the second it moves into that territory is the second I have permission to stop. The world will keep turning.
How many things like this are you upholding in your life? How many of these unspoken situations are you tying yourself to without any real clarity on why? How many unnecessary or out of alignment expectations or obligations are you making up for yourself?
We do this all the time. At work, we’re the go-to person for everything and everyone because OMG it would all fall apart if we weren’t! At home, we do all these detailed and usually unnecessary daily or weekly things we convince ourselves are important to make everyone feel good. At school, we make sure we’re winning the parent game with all the extra fancy pizazz. At the gym, we “never miss a Monday.” Meanwhile, it’s all adding up and making life in general feel like one huge burden while in the end, no one except us really notices or cares all that much.
Again, a little sad. But I repeat: so, so freeing.
Now, with all that in perspective, am I still going to aim for weekly posts? Yes, I sure am. But am I going to force it and run around like a madwoman to get it done when life is running circles around me? No, I am not. And am I going to show myself compassion when I miss a week here or there in the future? Absofuckinglutely.
So, it’s not to say don’t do the thing, or maybe a couple of the things, some, or even most, of the time. But maybe every so often reflect on the questions I suggested earlier. Because the answers will change, and with that, so will your perspective, so will how you feel, and so will your life. Don’t forget, you have permission to stop.
The world will keep turning.
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