I’ve alluded the last few times I’ve popped in to chat about books that about a million things have been on my mind, on my list to expand on here. And I’ll get to it when I have some time, soon. Ish.
It’s been, like, 9 months I’ve been saying this.
Especially the last four or five months, I think almost daily about what a great blog a certain experience would be. And yet, it never feels quite marinated enough to actually turn into anything coherent.
What’s weird about that is I’ve been saying for years that it’s OK to share when you’re in the middle of it. Whatever “it” is. I’ve never been the biggest fan of making sure you’re fully through something and all processed and buttoned up before ever talking about it and sharing any lessons.
And I feel like that’s what I’m struggling with. Even though I’m perfectly fine to share along the way and always have done that, I don’t know that I have any lessons at the moment. I’m just right here in it daily. No insights or golden nuggets to share with you, like I usually feel like I have.
Probably at least seven great, well-rounded thoughts are just out of my grasp – keep trusting your gut, focus on what matters, stay true to who you are, be intentional and present with who you choose to spend time with, it’s OK to be angry but we also have to move in our anger. Not groundbreaking, obviously, but actually relatable stories to go with those thoughts. I just can’t quite put any of it together anytime I sit down to my laptop.
So, I don’t know, maybe the thing we can all relate to right now is that everything does feel a little like a bottomless mess we can’t fully articulate.
Work is bonkers and also awful, but I certainly can’t quit. The state of the world is beyond a dumpster fire and every day makes me want to cry. People are showing us who they are left and right. Everything is too expensive. There’s no time. I can’t. Fucking. Calm. Down.
And that last one. Man. That’s the one that gets to me. It’s not me. I hate waking up at 3am every single night because of some dumb work thing unrelated to anything I actually care about. I recently attended a networking event where we made vision boards and smack in the middle of mine is a little sticker that says “you need to calm down.”
I’m trying.
Listen, there’s a lot that’s not OK. Personally and globally. That makes it exceedingly difficult to calm down.
But there’s a lot that is OK. Or, there’s enough that is. And that matters. And that’s what I’m trying to remind myself of daily to make my way through the bottomless mess. It’s the only thing that gives me even a moment of calm. But that moment matters too. I trust the moments will grow.
So I guess all I’m trying to say, for now, is trust the moments of calm.
The mess can’t be bottomless forever. It won’t be, if we keep trusting, keep going, and keep growing.
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