Let me keep this pretty quick for you today. I just want to spread some Kourtney style blunt-but-kind things to remember this week.
1) From now through the end of the year, family is a theme. Remember that family looks different to everyone.
And not just in a trite way of “oh, my furbabies are my family!” That is, of course, absolutely true, but it’s not what I mean. What I mean is, for some folks family is nothing but trauma. For some, myself included, we’re no contact because of it. For some, family was never really a big thing, so it’s not actually a huge priority. For some, family is built of the chosen, not blood. For some, family is mostly built upon guilt, shame, cultural obligation, and disappointment. (I’m not exaggerating, we just don’t usually talk about it.) For some, family is just a very delicate balance.
Perhaps your family is amazing, and you’re truly grateful for every single person in it. But remember, that might not be true for everyone you meet, so please don’t assume it’s so. And for certain, do not ever tell someone they should be grateful for their family, or they’re weird or bad or wrong because they don’t put family first, just because you believe it’s true.
2) From now through the end of the year…and beyond, actually…health is a theme. Remember that health looks different to everyone.
Weight is not the only measure of health. Enjoy your joy, feel your body, savor your meals. You do not need to earn your nourishment. Ever. Don’t neglect, for yourself or those around you, the importance of mental and emotional health this time of year, too. Check in with people. Don’t make assumptions.
Perhaps you truly love the mainstream version of health and wellness, ie: regular exercise, dieting, etc. But remember, that might not be true for everyone you meet, so please don’t assume it’s so. And for certain, do not comment on a person’s body size, weight, food or exercise choices, whether you know them or not. Any time of year. It is not a moral issue, just because that’s what we’ve been taught to believe.
3) From now through the end of the year, obligation is a theme. Remember that you are in control of your time and your choices.
Choosing your peace is no more selfish this time of year than any other. For some, that’s a hard truth, especially since we’re typically conditioned to believe it’s important to say yes to everything and everyone, and put everyone else first this time of year.
Perhaps you’re genuinely comfortable with a packed calendar and taking care of everyone else, and you need no downtime or alone time. But remember, that might not be true for everyone you meet, so please don’t assume it’s so. And for certain, do not ever judge or guilt someone for choosing to take care of themselves by implementing boundaries – around their time and energy, around the behavior and conversations they’ll tolerate or engage with, around how they may be changing or evolving from what you’ve been used to. As they say, the only people who get upset about setting boundaries are the ones who were benefiting from you having none. So try not to be that person.