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      Something different and unvarnished.

      unvarnished | kourtney thomas fitness life coach denver

      I’ve been doing this thing lately where I go round and round in my head, over and over again, analyzing and analyzing and overthinking what I should share with you, when, how often.

      In fact, I wrote an entirely different blog for you today, then decided not to post it. I always feel the pull to do the thing where I’m providing “useful and valuable content,” but you know what? That shit is harder and harder to predict and create, especially since the world is noisy and full of it already, and I can’t read your mind or always know what’s useful and valuable to you, and what you’re ready for at any given time.

      Have you been doing this too?

      The circling and cycling? I don’t know if it’s some version of pandemic fatigue showing its face, or the astrology going on right now, or a personal phase, but woof. It’s like every single thing I do I end up freaking out about down to the last detail. And then half the time, I change my mind and say fuck it and do what my gut tells me anyway. I’ve been taking lots of things very personally – from friends who haven’t responded to texts to seeing someone I know unsubscribing from this email list. And I’ve been getting increasingly frustrated with how things seem for everyone else in comparison – keyword, of course, is seem.

      Anyway, this morning, I abruptly stopped what I was doing after 600 words, and decided to post something different. Just in case you’re feeling any of the same things I am, or even if you’re not right now, but maybe you have in the past and know you could in the future, or you know someone else who could use this info – I thought I’d share some of the stuff I’m struggling with, working on, and what’s helping me. (Or what I have hope for, anyway!)

      If anything, maybe it’ll just be a gentle reminder that you’re not alone in something you’re going through.

      Mental/emotional health: I switched therapists. When shit stops working don’t bang your head against the wall trying to make it work, or convince yourself that it will. Move on and try something new, even if it means starting over again and that’s hard. It’s worth it.

      Friendship: I’m releasing, processing losses, and embracing the gifts of new relationships. Seasons change, it may be personal (I know I’m not everyone’s cup of tea), or it might not, but instead of fighting for what’s not meant to be in this season, I’m instead focusing on being myself and loving what is.

      Nerves/anxiety: I’m trying to calm the F down. At the direction of my therapist, I’m incorporating and and exercises to try to work on my overactivation. It’s hard and it doesn’t feel like it’s working and I avoid it more often than I accomplish it, but still, I try.

      Imposter syndrome: I feel like I have zero idea what I’m doing at anything right now, and everybody knows it, and that’s why they totally don’t want to do anything with me. So, I’m doing it all anyway and trusting that I’m being irrational, because I likely am, and I’m smart and experienced and everything I’m doing is actually pretty kickass and if people don’t think so, then that’s on them. Also, I’m also remembering things like .

      Fitness: I’m actually, seriously, 100% practicing here. In fact, someone asked me about it in a talk I gave last week, and it felt good to be able to walk the walk of and intuitive eating and movement. Do I have little twinges here and there of body checking or calorie counting or feeling guilty for resting? Yep, I do. But they’re fewer and farther between when I remember I’ve got one body, one life, and other shit to worry about than a strict program, a jiggle, and only eating cake for special occasions. It feels good to know what I need and do that.

      Productivity: I’m also 100% practicing what I preach here. I created a framework called years ago, and I’m absolutely committed to it right now. I have to be, or all I’m doing is contributing to everything else on this list. Some days still come to a close and it doesn’t feel like enough, but it is. This approach really helps.

      Professional identity: I feel like a total wreck here. And the word “failure” is coming into play more than it has previously, which is new. I feel like I’m at yet another crossroads too, but this time feels different than the last few times. So I’m exploring. Applying for jobs. Entertaining options. Releasing expectations and pressure, because while I do wholeheartedly believe personal and professional are inextricably linked in most of us and that’s perfectly OK, it still doesn’t mean I’m only one dimensional.

      Spirituality: I’m not doing a great job of staying connected to my faith, even though I know it’s a game-changer for me. But I’m tired of watching church on TV, and I’m burned out on facilitating weekly small group meetings. So, I’m practicing the bare minimum here too and not worrying about what it means to be a “good Christian” because that’s not a fucking thing, y’all. I’m doing a morning devotional, remembering to God in the little moments, and listening to like prayers. It’s enough for now.

      Comparison: I am not successfully navigating this right now personally or professionally. I’m comparing myself and my work to countless people in my life, and it is really, really not helpful. Example: This email, and how I’m already comparing its contents and how it’ll be received to myself three years ago, or other coaches right now. Like, I read or hear about from others emails or posts like this all the time that are open and vulnerable and people love them, but in writing and sending this myself, I’m sure I’m not doing it right, or as well or artfully as someone else or myself five years ago, and instead of being like OMG it’s like you’re talking to me! people will just read it and be like, wow, Kourtney is pathetic and I just wasted five minutes of my life, and unsubscribe. The one thing I can say about this is that I’m explicitly aware of when I’m comparing, and it does help me stop doing it a hair sooner. Because self-awareness is the first step in of change and growth.

      Self: Basically all of the above over the past six months has taken a bit of a toll on my Self. Self-worth, self-image, self-confidence, self-identity. All of it. But I’m gently and consistently practicing self-compassion to come home to the self that’s true, even if she’s different than she was, growing and changing and evolving, and not the self I think you want to see. I’m practicing boundaries, asking for what I need and actually taking it, having tougher and more uncomfortable conversations, speaking up for what I believe in, instead of outside myself, and generally trying to live a little bit of every day like it’s a Saturday.

      OK, I’m gonna stop at that. Release it into the ether with just that one reminder for you and for me that almost nothing is ever as it seems.

      And this whole thing that so many of us are still trying to do, to put forth that façade that we’re holding it all together, or only strategically showing the messy parts of ourselves, and then ultimately, if unconsciously, setting the expectation that everybody else we’re looking at should do that too, is a bunch of BS that ends up just holding us back and down.

      If you gotta stop or change gears today, do it. If you need to do something different and unvarnished, do that too. If you’ve made it this far, there’s no other lesson, but I do hope you found even one little bit of this to be useful and valuable content after all.

      Here’s to living unvarnished.

      For more unvarnished life insights and useful tools for whatever you’re struggling with, sign up for weekly emails. And if you’re ready for a partner in the process, schedule a call below or email me to talk about coaching. It works.

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