Not gonna lie, I feel like I have been struggling and all over the place this week. Like, that long weekend was truly lovely and relaxing and joyful, but I think it left me overchilled to the point I hardly knew how to reengage with the world on Monday! You feel me?
And, I don’t know about you, but this time of year is full, so it’s not exactly convenient that I’m feeling a little slow on that uptake.
Honestly, the holiday season is my favorite time of year – even more so than summer, which is saying something for me. I just love joy. I love when people are feeling just a bit warmer toward themselves and their loved ones and complete strangers. I love lights and twinkles and crisp air and Bing Crosby. I’m thinking about the people I love, my chosen family. I’m thinking about church. I’m thinking about baking Christmas cookies and wrapping and sending off gifts. Super into this particular kind of full.
I’m also reflecting on the past year, actively working with a nearly full roster of clients, while also, already, looking toward and preparing for the coming year. I’m wrapping up my bookkeeping and updating spreadsheets, reaching out to all the wonderful people I worked with this year. Supporting clients through their challenges this time of year, as well as helping them get clear on what their coming year looks like. I’m thinking about next steps and marketing and relationship building and growth. I’m pitching virtual summits and conferences and podcasts. I’m scheduling meetings like a boss (I am a boss, obv), and continuing to connect with people here locally in Denver, and across the country. Really into this kind of full too.
Oh, and, I’m moving my body every day, reading books, making sure to text and email friends to stay in touch and check in that they’re OK, getting to sleep at a (mostly) decent hour, enjoying a couple of TV series with my husband and always trying new adventures, like snowshoeing. Also, we produce an outrageous amount of laundry every week for just two people. Sheesh. I love this kind of personal fullness too – minus the laundry, of course.
Point being, when I looked at my full schedule for this week…and next…and the next…I felt a tension between the really thrilling kind of excitement and the really anxious, dreaded kind of excitement. Like, what am I doing and how am I going to do it and what’s the point again?
Because y’all, twelve Zoom meetings plus two conferences in one week? *insert skeleton face emoji here*
But, you know me. This is my kinda energy. I love everything! As much as some of this stuff feels a bit overwhelming, the vast majority of it is freaking amazing and I’m so totally up for it. And even in those moments when I’m not entirely of the extent of amazingness or whether I’m so sure if I am, indeed, up for it, I rock on. Because guess what?
I trust myself.
I know myself enough to know that not a single thing I choose to schedule or plan or incorporate or take on is out of obligation or fear or a sense that I should. I know myself well enough to know I would never say yes to all (or any) of these things if they wouldn’t contribute to the fullness and richness of my life in some small, or potentially major, way. And I certainly know myself well enough to know that that’s exactly what will happen when I do trust myself.
Basically, knowing myself deeply means I’m better able to make aligned choices that make sense for what I want and how I want to feel. When those do turn out to be aligned, I trust myself more, I lean into continuing to know and be myself without question, and then I do it all over again.
Know yourself -> Choose yourself -> Trust yourself -> Be yourself.
I mean, If I have to get stuck in some kind of circular pattern, this is one I’m OK with.
It takes some practice, for sure, but I can’t even in good conscience say this is all that hard. Sure, sometimes I falter or question a bit more than usual, but then I just go back to part one of the process and check in with myself.
For instance, I had a couple of meetings earlier in the week that went well, but weren’t, like, high-level jazzy. I’m definitely glad I spent the time connecting, but it wasn’t quite as strong of a connection as some other conversations I’ve had. That left me a little more tentative for some meetings I had later in the week, especially feeling my fullness level. But I checked in with myself, followed the path that led me to these connections and why I chose to say yes to them.
And then.
Oh. My. Goodness.
I had one of those (virtual) coffee chats that flows so easily and naturally, you hardly know where an hour and a half went. Fist pumping and cheering and cackling. Getting sidetracked by #catmom stories.
I had another chat with a woman who instantly got me, matched my energy, and totally upleveled it too. We were at the end of our hour before I thought we had talked for fifteen minutes, and we decided to collaborate on a mindset and confidence curriculum for youth, she asked me to be a guest on her podcast, I connected her to an industry organization that could help her with some of her goals, and we agreed to a real, in-person date as soon as reasonably possible.
One more – I talked for another hour to a woman I was actually pretty intimidated by going into the meeting, but we connected instantly, and she was immediately interested in building a relationship, personally and professionally. By the end of the call, we were also planning collaborations and happy hours, laughing about our dogs – and we basically bonded for life when she took me (her laptop) into the bathroom because her doggo was barking like crazy at the UPS guy outside and then showed me her hand-painted picture of said dog pooping a glitter turd!
Oh, and then? I got one email informing me that I’ve been accepted as a presenter at a major international fitness industry conference in 2021, and another updating me that I’ve been selected to move on to the second round of application for a Board of Directors position with another major fitness industry association and certifying body.
Do people still say boo ya? Because holy shit, boo ya.
I feel full. I feel so, so full, in exactly the ways I want to feel full – and no others.
We talk all the time about fulfillment in life, feeling fulfilled. And I talk to and work with a lot of folks who are far away from that feeling. It’s not usually because their lives or schedules aren’t full. It’s usually because they haven’t started that know yourself, trust yourself cycle yet. They’re often stuck in a completely different kind of cycle, in fact. One that almost never leads to the fullness they seek.
I love words like full that can have so many different and deeply personal meanings. It encourages reflection, perspective, critical thinking, change. And choice.
You can choose to be full in a lot of different ways. Is the way you’re choosing now the kind of full you seek?
If you’re struggling to figure out the knowing yourself and trusting yourself part, I can help. Start in the middle of the cycle: choose yourself first and reach out to me about coaching. Email me and I’ll get back to you ASAP, or schedule a call with me below.
If you’re struggling with the full cycle on the fitness and body confidence side of things, good news! The next round of Fitness Unraveled group coaching is happening in early February 2021. It’s a fantastic time and way to break those old, yucky cycles around fitness and food. Like, way better than a New Year’s diet 🙂 You can get on the waitlist here.