I’ve always considered myself to be a pretty serious person.
I think, perhaps, it’s actually more of a story I’ve told myself because that’s how it seemed I was perceived by others. Probably somewhat still true currently.
I was a bookworm, a school nerd, a high achiever. You can’t usually be all those things and also be fun and happy and joyful all the time. Or so our society would have you believe, anyway. I can think of the odd person who fits that bill of being all those things, but it’s not quite as easy or common as falling more into one category or the other.
Whew, we do love a good black and white answer, don’t we?
Anyway, what’s funny about this as I grow, and grow older, is that I’m beginning to see that I’m not quite as serious as I thought I was. Or well, it’s more like I am in certain senses and times, but it’s always, also, coupled with joy. In fact, I’m pretty fun, and I’m definitely happy. Usually, even if I’m presenting as kind of subdued or serious, I’m bursting on the inside because holy shit, I get to be alive today.
A little earlier this year, I worked with a coach friend, and she observed and reflected back to me that I have an energy about me, and more energy than most. It’s a positive energy that, many times, invites people in and leaves them feeling more energetic too. As we talked about it and I reflected more, I realized she was right. I feel like I have strong energy, and I’m not afraid to bring it.
Sometimes, yeah, it is an intense, serious energy. I am sincere and earnest. I do encourage deep thought, careful consideration, in myself and in others. But that’s never, ever at the expense of joy and wonder.
In fact, the intensity of my joyfulness is at least equal to that of my seriousness.
If you ask my husband, he’ll probably roll his eyes and tell you a story about how I’m always crying over something ridiculous. Which is 100% accurate. I am always crying over something. I see beauty and love and hardship and heartbreak and compassion and kindness and humanity in literally everything, including books and TV shows and church and music and Christmas light displays and dogs and Shriner’s Hospital for Children commercials.
I talked about this similarly a few weeks back when I talked about being shushed. And how livid that makes me, because it’s essentially a suppression of other people’s expressions of joy and enthusiasm for life. I…I just don’t really get it.
I mean, that’s not totally true. I do.
We’ve been conditioned for a lot of years to fall in line in a lot of ways. And we’ve also been taught, and in a lot of cases, learned through experience, that opening yourself up for joy means opening yourself up for pain and hurt. So instead of entertaining and maybe even embracing both possibilities, we poo-poo joy and fun and happiness for adults. We focus on the dark instead of choosing the light, give into our pain instead of attending to our healing. We buy into this idea that we’re all supposed to be cynical and stressed and anxious and negative and it-is-what-it-is every day for the rest of our lives. And we also buy into the idea that basically everybody’s terrible.
I’m sorry, but exactly how does this help us to live a full, rich, embodied life? To grow and change and build supportive and connected communities?
There will always be pain and hurt. And there will also always be good and healing. (Because there will always be dogs.)
You have to know, you have to trust, how possible it is to experience the joy of life.
And people like me are here to help remind you of that possibility, no matter how annoying that feels in this moment. But please don’t misunderstand. I’m not saying we should just be all LOVE AND LIGHT up in this thang. I don’t believe or operate in toxic positivity. This is a different, more serious, angle.
Like, if your instinct is to get defensive or rail on this or be all, “must be nice, Kourtney!” – stop and take a breath and keep reading. You’re totally entitled to feel exactly how you feel, and sometimes this is beyond our capacity and controlled by brain chemistry, but when it’s not, ask yourself what it accomplishes to choose to dwell in darkness. To think the worst of everyone all the time (including me). To think the worst of yourself.
Basically, yeah, there are a lot of assholes out there, it’s true. We don’t have to be one of them.
Yes, shit is hard. 2020 has been, just, wow. It’s been hard to experience joy, to feel anything other than pain, to recognize others’ humanity and all our common ground. But 2020 also been kinda wow. People have showed up for each other like never before, we’ve managed to figure out what and who really matters in our lives, and Tiger King kept us entertained for months. If that’s not joy and fun and happiness, I’m not sure what is. I know allowing myself to see and feel the warmth of that light has been the biggest factor in getting me through a difficult year. This is why.
As I take some time this week and next to reflect on this year and consider what’s next in the coming one, I. am. bringing it. I’m gonna keep bringing my energy and find joy everywhere I go, with everything I do, in everyone I meet, and I’m not going to apologize for it. I acknowledge and experience my pain and darkness too, and yours, and that of others – there is no light without it. So, in a sense, I’m also bringing the pain. I’m just not focusing on it.
This weird combination of intensely serious and intensely joyful is who I am, and that’s all I want to be.
Who are you? Who do you want to be?
2021 (/the rest of your life) has all the potential in the world to be wow in incredible ways – if you entertain the possibility for it. I encourage you to do just that. This week, today, January 1, whenever, wherever – remember how possible it is to experience the joy of life.
And then bring it.
Ready to bring it in 2020? Check out the Fitness Unraveled group coaching program, starting January 25, to experience joy in fitness and your body. And check out options for working with me to explore all the other kinds of joy you can find in your life and career. Sign up for emails that bring joy every week, right here.