One of my favorite parts of group coaching is actually getting to know the group in real time. And as much as Zoom sucks right now, when it’s used in an intentional way, it can be really powerful. That’s why regular Zoom parties are part of Fitness Unraveled.
I secretly love making them pretty unstructured because it makes people uncomfortable, especially in the beginning. No different than some kind of corporate meeting or training or whatever, if I open it up and say, “hey! How’s your day going? What’s happening with you? How are you feeling?” Everybody just zips up and stares at the webcam and looks a whole lot like this:
Eventually someone starts telling a story, and inevitably, everyone else relates and laughs and opens up and tells stories of their own. Before we know it, an hour and a half has gone by, and we’re all feeling like it was the best part of the day. Just conversation, no agenda, shared humanity, you know?
That’s kind of the key piece of doing this kind of deep, scary work – it becomes the slightest bit lighter and less scary when we can do it together.
There’s a bit of an implication that we’re alone in our struggles with fitness and especially with body image. Even though we see more and more women (and men!) speaking up about it and sharing their stories on social media, even though we read more articles and books and memoirs about it, somehow, it feels like their story is different. Or they’re not struggling anymore, they’ve figured it out. So here we are, still alone, still isolated.
And it feels like there’s something shameful about not being able to figure out how to have a decent relationship with our own bodies.
1: It’s not shameful. And we really need to work on ditching any kind of shame associated with our bodies and our choices for them.
2: Yeah, everyone’s story is different. But it doesn’t mean we’re alone in ours.
Having these opportunities for totally open conversation, just getting to know each other, little things about our days, our lives, partners, kids, pets, jobs – it helps us to gain perspective. It helps to roll back that perception that we’re isolated in our experiences. And it helps to build trust – in each other, in ourselves. That opens the door for the really vulnerable, transformative conversations that come from real, human connection.
Take, for instance, one of the last group calls we had in the most recent FU cohort. By this time, the women in the group had a fondness for each other, and they were excited to catch up after a few weeks. They were also well into their unraveling journeys and comfortable exploring them outwardly in this safe space.
We got to talking, and one of the women shared a bit about how she was feeling – namely, pretty darn good. She wasn’t doing too much “structured” exercise or working out, a little bit here and there, but she was enjoying a playful and active summer with her daughter and partner, hiking, gardening, and slip-and-sliding, feeling great in her new red swimsuit.
She also shared she was still doing a lot of questioning and self-reflecting, then having further conversation about that with her partner, who had a pretty distinctly different outlook. One of the other group members was having a similar experience – really big, breakthrough kinds of conversations that she had never been able to find the words for with her husband before. Both of them were excited about the new tools and frameworks and deeply personal insights they now had available to make these conversations richer and more authentic. Such great stuff.
My favorite part of this call, though, was when the first woman shared about something she was still struggling with, and put it out there with the whole rest of the group. Essentially, she talked about how she was feeling better in her body, getting clearer about what food and movement could look like in her life, how her choices aligned with her values, but she still couldn’t quite shake the habit of thinking about body parts, often as compared to other women’s body parts…
“I still keep thinking about stuff like my stomach and should it be smaller? Or well, look at her, she looks good, but her boobs are small and mine will never be small. And on and on. Does anyone else still think about this stuff? Is it just me? Will I ever be able to stop?”
(I’m paraphrasing because I was paying attention and not taking notes, but this was the general gist.)
It was another one of those stare-at-the-webcam-saying-nothing moments, and then all of a sudden everyone, including myself, was talking and nodding vehemently and saying, yeah, me too, I get this, it’s totally not just you.
Listen, it’s never just you. Never.
I’m not normally an advocate of always/never statements, but when it comes to this body stuff? These sticky little inner dialogues? These stories we’ve internalized over a lifetime? These patterns we’ve created for years and years? You’re not alone. Fortunately, or unfortunately, in our lifetime, you’ll never be alone in this.
We went on to have some more meaningful and interesting discussion on the topic, of course. Obviously, I emphasized the point that it was most certainly not just her experiencing these thoughts. I listened to all the group members, and I shared my own experiences too, along with how I deal with them the further I continue on my own journey.
In case you’re wondering, I admitted I didn’t have all the answers, I didn’t know if we’d really every totally separate ourselves from those thoughts. And every once in a while, I’ll find myself making observations about body parts too, my own or other women’s, but nowadays, I do so with no judgment or attachment, and the thoughts are always fleeting, no longer consuming. Being able to deal with them in that way comes from continual self-reflection, values alignment, and incorporating all the tools and practices we learn about in FU.
It’s a forever process, but it gets better.
It was a great conversation, one full of smiles and love and real connection and ease. We all left feeling energized and encouraged. But it never would have happened if the women who chose to participate in Fitness Unraveled would have stayed in their isolation, stuck in their fears, absorbed in their shame of not being able to figure out their fitness and body stuff on their own. Taking the burden off of themselves for everything, giving themselves the chance to do the inner deep dive, but with support – that’s what created the change they wanted to see.
I say this often when I talk about Fitness Unraveled – there’s a reason why I make it a group, and especially a reason why it’s a small group. Trust, I’m a good coach and I’m well-equipped to guide you through the Uncover, Unlearn, Unleash process toward fitness freedom and body confidence. But the true power of that process is in the group connection. Together is always better. See:
“The most valuable part of the program was the interaction with other women who were open to sharing their experiences and were all working through the standard social expectations without talking about how pretty, or thin, or disciplined we were. We talked about real topics and real joy and real successes which was something new for me as I don’t have many female relationships.” -Lisa
When it comes to this stuff, let me just emphasize the point one more time – you are not alone. So now that you know, stop trying to figure it out alone. Let’s do this together.
Fitness Unraveled is the program designed to help you free yourself from fitness and body shoulds and find your right way forever. Could you do that on your own? Sure. Could you do it sooner – like now – if you do it in the group, with me, and a bunch of other like-minded women? Yeah. Absolutely. If you’re up for that, sign up today. The group’s about halfway full and shaping up to be a real amazing crew.