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Are you doing all the right things and still not feeling better?

all the right things | kourtney thomas fitness life coach

I often hear from friends and clients and colleagues, in life and business and fitness, a version of the same vexation:

I’m doing all the right things, but I’m not seeing results!

Happens all the time, seriously.

My entrepreneur friends and colleagues usually fall into the category of following some kind of structured formula for success, utilizing templates, heeding to marketing trends, focusing on sales tactics, stuff like that. Typically they’re doing that stuff based on someone else’s input, executing exactly their proven steps to perfection.

Big shocker, those proven steps don’t pan out most of the time. And then my buds are annoyed and frustrated they’re not achieving the same outcomes of the people they’re following, or really, anywhere near them. What am I doing wrong? What am I missing? That’s the refrain.

My clients and friends usually fall into the category of following a diet or fitness protocol, buying a program, utilizing challenges, heeding the advice of the latest self-help book, chasing weight loss or strength numbers, focusing on deprivation or increasing motivation or building up willpower, stuff like that. Typically they’re doing stuff based on someone else’s input too, trying their best to execute those proven steps to perfection.

Biggest shocker of them all, those proven steps almost never pan out. Not in a sustainable way, anyway. Again, these wonderful people are left annoyed and frustrated and confused as to why they’re not achieving the promised outcomes from the gurus or experts. Or why they’re not feeling any better. Same refrain.

And too, especially when it comes to the fitness and body stuff, doing all these right things is not without a cost.

That cost can come in so many forms. Mental health. Relationship troubles. Fatigue. Chronic pain. Injuries. Sleep disruption. Damaged self-image. Diet cycles. Financial strain. Sometimes even trauma or self-harm. It’s serious stuff.

Still, the folks struggling through this the most often continue to put the burden on themselves, because it always seems like it should be so, so simple and easy, and they should have this figured out based on the bullet points: What am I doing wrong? What am I missing?

If I’m doing all the right things, why is it not working?!? Why don’t I feel better?

Hey. Hey.

Are you sure you’re doing the right things? Are you even sure what those things really are? Are you sure the problem is you?

Really, have you thought about it? Have you ever paused to take a breath and ask if all those right things are the right things for you?

And if you’re now asking that right in this moment, what’s your answer?

In my experience, with both colleagues and clients, usually those answers are no and no, and that’s usually the biggest answer they need. We can work with that. We can move forward, make change from there. Figure out what is right for them.

Listen, I think we’ve all tried doing things by pressing the EASY button. I certainly have. Spoiler alert, I most definitely include myself in the scenarios I mentioned above. I have absolutely gone through periods where I just want something applicable and replicable and as immediate as possible. Fix me! Fix my business! Give me the right steps to take!

Oh, those people tracked macros and got lean in three months? Yay, macros!

Oh, that strength program got that person all bulked up in only sixteen weeks? Heck yes, I’ll do it!

Oh, that $5000 investment in strategy and systems will increase my profit tenfold? Hey-ohhh, let’s rock!

LOLZ.

Also, gosh dang it.

Yes, those are things I have done. Yes, those are things I considered the right things. Yes, they’re things that got some level of results. But they did not come without real costs, physically, mentally, emotionally, and financially.

Though they looked surface right, none of them were right for me.

Taking that pause and asking the question: Am I sure these things are the right things for me? was, and has been ever since, the only way I’ve ever found my way to the actual right things. To feeling better in my body, my business, and my life.

Not gonna lie though, a big part of this comes even before the doing things part.

The starting point is really whether or not the outcomes, the results, the feelings are what you want, whether that’s even what’s right for you. Like:

Do you really want or need to lose weight? Get bigger strength numbers? Run faster or longer?

Do you really want or need to make $100K? Have 100 clients? Scale till your eyeballs fall out?

Is there something else that matters more to you?

In its simplest iteration, the point here is that what works for someone else may not work for you – both in the initial priority and the ways and means.

I think deep down, we always know that. I think we also know that trying to find that easy button ain’t gonna work in the end.

So doesn’t there come a point when you want something that is going to work?

I bet you think I’m gonna tell you what that is. I’m sorry, but I can’t. All I can tell you is that finding what works for you takes work itself. Hard, deep work, inescapably.

I bet you also think I’m gonna tell you that kind of work is worth it. And yes, that I can, and will, tell you. Without a shred of a doubt. There is nothing better than knowing you’re doing all the right things for you and getting the results you know you want for yourself.

Bottom line: There’s a big misconception that you’re the failure here, you’re the one missing the mark, you’re the one doing it wrong, even if you’re doing all the right things. That’s not the case, and it’s a big dirty lie we all gulp down while gasping for air.

Don’t be so hard on yourself for “failing” at doing the “right” things when maybe they’re not even the right things after all.

Breathe.

Start asking whether all these right things are right for you, whether the direction they’re taking you is the right direction for you too.

And if you’re really feeling sassy? Start asking who gets to determine right and wrong, and why. Also, why we’re so attached to the right/wrong, success/failure binary in the first place.

Sorry not sorry, told ya this stuff got deep.

But listen, if that refrain is something you’ve sung before – I’m doing everything right, but it’s just not working/I don’t feel better/I’m not seeing results! – especially when it comes to your fitness and body confidence, maybe it’s time to recommit to the work, reinvest in yourself, realign your right things.

I invite you to do that in .

I promise you – no one, including me, will try to tell you what your right things are. But the process, the group, and me as your coach, will help you discover them in a way that feels profoundly right in your soul – applicable, replicable, and forever.

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