If you received this via email, you might have noticed it looks a little different today. You also might not have. And, y’know, either way is great, because the only thing that matters is you’re reading it.
Depending on how closely you follow my online life, you also might notice I recently relocated from St. Louis to Denver. And over the past month or so, my life has been mostly taken over by scheduling and logistics. Getting moving quotes. Selling the house. Setting up utilities in the new house. Endless emails and tying up of loose ends (many of which are actually still fraying, unfortunately).
All the while, I was barely hanging on to maintenance mode in my business. All individual clients were covered, of course, and the Fitness Unraveled group is going strong. But marketing? Anything future oriented? Yeah, no. Not happening.
Which, as is always the case, comes crashing down when the dust settles and panic sets in. OMG, the group is ending! Am I going to run another one this fall? Can I even do that if I haven’t been marketing already? Where am I going to find new clients in a totally new city? I don’t have any connections here! There’s a pandemic so I can’t go on coffee dates! Maybe I should just quit and find a new job!
Ah, the old downward spiral of “I suck and I’ll never be good enough.”
I almost said “the old downward spiral we know and love,” and then I read that back to myself and was like what? NO. This is not something I love. And I don’t even think it’s something I want to know anymore.
I mean, work in progress, like anybody else. I may have a pretty solid foundation of self-worth and confidence, but I’m still susceptible to my old stories and insecurities and external shit poking at those wounds. A big transition leaves a lot of them exposed.
But, here’s the thing about wounds: you can walk around with them open and bleeding, in pain, risking infection and festering every day, ignoring the fact that you’re hurt at all. Or, you can look at the sore, even if you have to squint a little or peek with only one eye, wash it off with clean water, bandage it up so you don’t keep picking at it, take some vitamin C, and help it along the path to healing.
We’ll always have scars, but if we take care of our wounds, those scars fade with time.
So, the moment I got a moment, I did some wound care. I scheduled two meetings with local women business owners. I reached out to a few more friends I have here. I got back in the habit of posting on social media once a day, Monday through Friday. I updated my Instagram bio (heh, important stuff happening over here). I’m back in the groove of writing to you once a week. I’m working on updating and creating some cool new free stuff. I’m fashioning some structure around my day, and around things I committed to doing, like anti-racism education and reading. I messaged my therapist, and talked to some peers about my money stories. I’m taking daily walks with my husband and working out or running every day. And I finally made the switch to a new email provider, and spent a whole day migrating everything over and updating my website with new forms – which, by the way, was a fairly daunting task.
Big and small, ten actions that went a long way toward healing. And in the span of five days, I feel so much more like myself. I let myself feel some pain, to be sure. But I didn’t let it fester for too long. Maybe I actually embraced it a little and transformed it, in a way. My scars aren’t so angry anymore. I believe that’s a possibility for all of us.
Funny enough, I checked my horoscope today and it said this:
“This month, your sense of well-being relies on your willingness to develop the courage to feel everything. Act on what comes naturally: being assertive, bold, and fearless.”
I haven’t read a horoscope in a while, and this one made me smile. Like, huge life changes and transitions aside, I’m 100% still me. I can absolutely trust my gut. No matter where I am, what’s going on, assertive, bold, and fearless are my MO. And courage to feel everything – that only enhances what comes from that assertiveness, boldness, and fearlessness. Timing and self-awareness, pain and healing, are everything.
Now, in all of this, switching email providers might not seem like a big important thing. And it’s really not. But it got me back into a groove and inspired other meaningful action. Pulled me out of some pain and insecurity. Allowed me to focus on what matters and take actual steps toward those things.
So, what if some seemingly insignificant action you take in your life is the thing that facilitates your healing? Gets you feeling more like you? Stops the downward spiral? I’d say that action is a pretty important one, then.
To be clear, I’m not saying we should ignore things that are going on in our lives, feelings, or wounds, because that’s not terribly useful.
What I am saying is that we shouldn’t let our stories and insecurities control us, make decisions for us, keep us bleeding when we could be healing.
I mean, life is big right now for all of us. A lot of it does feel like a giant, gaping wound that will never heal. But it will. If we take some ownership of our wound care, and not just poke it and then slap band-aids all over. Oh, it’ll leave a scar, potentially a deep one. But what if it was one of those scars that we’re proud of? (Hello, Harry Potter.) Like, we went through this horrible, painful experience, but we took care of ourselves and others, and grew stronger together in our healing? Individually and collectively, I know this is possible, and that it’s our opportunity.
Emails and connection meetings and movement are my opportunities, my path to healing and ending the downward cycle today.
What are yours?
For more insight on stories and opportunities, sign up to subscribe to weekly emails from Kourtney. And if you’re ready to start taking care of your wounds? Schedule a call below, and let’s talk about ending the downward cycle by taking action.