I’m really good at asking questions.
I do an icebreaker in workshops and group calls about creating your superhero persona, and mine is always Master Question Asker. She has powers to ask the questions that help people see the best of themselves, and she even wears a cape covered in purple question marks. Truly, being able to ask good questions, the right questions for the right person at the right time, is a superpower.
Asking questions is at the heart of what I do, how I help clients through the Uncover, Unlearn, Unleash process. It’s a surprisingly important method and service, because sometimes, we’re just crappy at self-reflection. We don’t do a good job of asking anything of ourselves. It helps to have an external prompt.
But here’s the interesting flipside of that – we’re also sometimes pretty crappy at answering questions. I can’t tell you how often I get, “I don’t know!” And then, *pause* … “No really, I don’t knowwwwww!” Especially when I ask something particularly poignant.
Funny, how we’re always wanting answers, but afraid to give them or accept them when we finally start asking questions.
Ah, humans. We are a mangled-up mess sometimes.
I say we, because definitely, this includes me. I don’t know about you, but I have recently found myself in the middle of an enormous amount of questions. And certainly, more questions than answers. Fueled by excessive social media consumption, isolation, and days spent wandering through an internet echo chamber, this has felt incredibly upsetting and overwhelming. As a result, I’ve also been avoidant of providing myself with answers, especially to the stickiest questions.
I mean, deep down, I know the answers. Which is why I’m hesitant to name them. That’s a reality I’ve realized a lot of us are facing, in a lot of different places in our lives. We know what’s really going on at work, or with our anxiety, or our relationship, or in our hearts and bodies. But it feels so, so scary to shine a light on it, let alone talk about it.
But the problem with this is that it never allows us to, well, do much of anything. To change, if that’s something that we want or need. To evolve. To feel content or fulfilled or even comfortable. To make moves and take next steps. To grow.
So, while I value questions to the ends of the earth, I decided the other day I needed to switch to statements.
Perhaps not so surprisingly, this little revelation happened while I was driving around exploring Denver. Windows down, music blaring, sunglasses on, hair flying all around. I felt most like me. I had no questions.
I came home and immediately opened up my notebook. (It’s honestly not a journal.) Here’s what I wrote at the top of the page:
Things I want. Things I will have.
Yes, I underlined it. And then I started listing off major categories, with nuances and feelings and ideas and actions underneath. A variety of tangible things, and much more intangible things – which, by the way, are incredibly undervalued in today’s society.
The best partnership.
A Denver community and home.
Less social media time.
A thriving business.
Authentic, personal, internal, inherent identity, self-worth, and self-image.
I didn’t ask, “What do you want in life?” I didn’t ask what I needed. I made a statement: this is it. Not a question, not even an answer.
I texted my husband later about my revelation, all booming with confidence and excitement. This is who I am. This is what you’re in for, because I will have all of it. (Implied: whether you like it or not. Ha. He likes it though, because he’s awesome and, well, already the best partner.) And this guy. THIS GUY. He was all, yeah, Kourtney, I know. I’ve been on board and telling you this stuff for…ever?
So like, point being:
You always know much more of your truth than you give yourself credit for. Sometimes, you just have to say it.
There will be times when you have to ask questions, mine for answers. It’s a process, to be sure, and the right questions will be valuable along the way. (I’m here for ya.) But not always. And getting to know yourself and your life better – Uncovering and Unlearning – that’s how you get to know which approach is right in the moment to lead to your Unleashing.
And I gotta say, just saying that shit out loud makes me feel Unleashed AF. It might for you too.
So if you’ve been feeling anything like me lately, a little untethered, a lot uncertain, try making a statement. Don’t tiptoe around what you want – declare it. Don’t regurgitate a mantra about who you’re supposed to be – insist on who you are.
Don’t wish or hope for some ideal future – confirm it, now.
If you’re ready to make declarations, or to ask questions, let’s work together. Email me anytime, or set up a call to chat below. And if you’re ready to do that with your fitness and body image – check out the next group of Fitness Unraveled, starting August 31, 2020.
P.S. Don’t forget to share your declaration with someone else. Tell me. Make a social media post (tag me!). Talk about it with your partner or your BFF. Write it, but say it too.