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      “Hey, can I ask you something?”

      making the ask | kourtney thomas fitness life coach

      “Hey, can I ask you something?”

      Gosh, I swear, those seem to be six of the most fraught words in the English language. 95% of people I know are terrified to utter them. Asking anyone anything at all has somehow become something we’re totally freaked out about.

      Naturally, this phenomenon frustrates the crap out of me. Essentially, being scared to ask for stuff means you don’t value your needs, and that just doesn’t sit well in my world. I want everyone to be confident enough to ask for at least their basic needs to be met on a daily basis. We’re not talking a million dollars here.

      Although, I also, definitely, want people to be confident enough to ask for that when it makes sense.

      I’ve observed a couple of things when it comes to this being afraid to ask things:

      • People are afraid of inconveniencing others
      • People truly don’t know what their needs and wants are

      And I find each of those things equally problematic. And circular. As in:

      The not knowing makes you too scared to ask, and when you’re too scared to ask, you’ll never find out.

      And that can lead to a lot of not-so-great feelings, like isolation, insecurity, unhappiness, defensiveness. Usually the opposite of the feelings we’d like to have in life, like community, confidence, fulfillment, open-mindedness.

      So, as I made a list of seven things I wanted to ask my dermatologist about last week, it got me thinking about this topic of making the ask. And thinking a lot. Enough that I asked Em how she felt about talking about it on the podcast. Well, she loved the idea, and voila, a really fun and useful episode was born. I’m so glad I asked!

      Honestly, there have been very few times I’ve ever been sorry I asked anything – of myself, or others. It’s a habit I’ve cultivated and practiced, and I think it really serves me well to enhance my overall happiness in life.

      Nobody really likes to get ignored or rejected, but honestly, I truly believe that the more you practice asking, the less you notice those negative responses and the more you enjoy positive ones. You gain not only confidence to ask for what you want and need, but also skill in asking to better facilitate a positive response.

      There are just so many wins to this whole idea!

      Anyway, if this is something you struggle with, I highly recommend checking out the latest episode of the Good Thing We’re Perfect podcast. We shared a lot of stories and ideas and tips, and I’m sure you’ll find it interesting, no matter how you feel about making the ask.

      More importantly, even if you have no interest in listening, I highly recommend you take a little time today to ask something of yourself or someone else in your life.

      You can start a little more inwardly focused and ask questions to understand your needs and wants better so you can make those asks outwardly, like, “What do I really need today? What do I want?” Those are big and broad, so you could also go smaller – “What do I really have a taste for for dinner tonight?”

      Or, if you’re already clear on your needs, but haven’t gotten to the asking part yet, you can ask outwardly, like, “Can you give me one hour alone today?” Or, “Hey, [insert child-care provider here] can you watch the kids next Friday so we/I can have a date night?”

      Or, you can double-whammy and combine the two! Think along the lines of something like self-reflecting about your own needs and/or wants for work, and who, how, and when you’ll ask for those things. (Heyooooo, somebody’s getting’ a raise next week!)

      I’ve got a double-whammy ask myself:

      • Will you send me an email and share your ask?
      • Will you share this post with a friend who might be interested in joining this community and invite them to sign up for my email list? (Here’s a link, or there’s a form at the bottom of the page too. You can even hit that little email button below.)

      You’re the best, and there’s no question about that 😉

      Now, go make your ask.

      For more podcast recommendations and weekly insights, sign up for my email list here. And if you’re struggling with the inward-facing asks to uncover your wants and needs? I can help. Email me anytime, or set up your free call below, and let’s chat about it. Ask me anything 😉

      Coaching can be daunting, so let’s ditch that and just talk about what you need.

      Book your (completely free) call to see how this feels in your guts.

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