For the affirmation skeptics (like me).

affirmation | kourtney thomas

I really do believe the things we believe can, and often do, come true. What we give attention to becomes a reality. The law of attraction, manifestation, whatever you want to call it – there’s something to it. And even if you’re a bit of a skeptic, think of it like this – it’s as real as when you focus directly on a telephone pole when you’re driving or biking, and you become far more likely to run directly into it. You have to look where you want to go.

Most recently, this concept is frequently attached to affirmations or mantras. And I do like these and think they work. Usually, I really like them when other people come up with them, because I can never seem to come up with my own affirmations. Do you ever feel that way too?

I’ve been thinking about this for a while now, actually. I’ve got a friend who shares wonderful daily written mantras on Instagram, and every time, I’m like, why can’t I think of something like that?!? I tried it for a while, because I know it works. All I could come up with were a few things like this:

I believe in what I am doing.

I am an expert.

Making money is easy.

The right people will always show up at the right time.

I believe what I have to offer is exactly what women need.

And yes, all of those things are true. But I also think all of those things are crappy, boring mantras.

I mean, why is it so hard to make a positive statement about myself?!? It really shouldn’t be that hard. Right?

But sometimes, it is. We’re programmed to repeat a lot of negative shit to ourselves day in and day out. We’re conditioned to believe a lot of the same messages that amount to struggle, hardship, scarcity, fear, and never being enough or deserving of what we desire. So, it’s easy to default to status quo beliefs. And it’s harder to get ourselves to even try out a different way of thinking. And, also? These are affirmations in their own way that shape our reality. Yikes.

Interestingly, affirmation has long been a part of religion in its own way. I think many of us can probably identify with the idea of prayer – whether more traditional or not as much. I can remember laying in bed every night as a girl and just silently praying in my head about whatever I wanted, the things I wished for, the way I wanted interactions to go, how I wanted certain situations to work out. Oddly enough, a lot of times, those prayers would become real. Regardless of your beliefs in any kind of higher power, there’s power in those thoughts.

So what if affirmations and mantras were framed a bit more like a prayer? In my old prayers, I was thinking things like, “Please, please, please, Lord, let me meet JC from *NSYNC and have him fall in love with me.” Highly emotional stuff, you know? (HA.) But underlying that ridiculousness was likely a loneliness, a desire for attention and love, and a need for an appropriate partner. Perhaps an affirmation to match would be equally as emotional, addressing the essential needs, but more relevant to real life, like: “I am feeling worthy and appreciated by a partner with whom I share life and love.”

That’s now a true statement for me, by the way. (And where is JC from *NSYNC now anyway?) That’s because it’s something I believe in my heart of hearts, and something I could get behind focusing on the positive.

And probably, those are the two biggest things: believability and positivity.

If I go back and look, the affirmations that are most appealing to me are the most simple, descriptive, and believable. They’re approachable, not too far from where I am now. They always involve positive words. And I’d add one more requirement – they always involve emotion and descriptive feelings.

For instance, “I am a millionaire with three Ferraris,” is something that your brain would likely laugh at, which would then probably block you from achieving it. But something like, “I am relaxed and comfortable in my larger living space, and excited to have my own luxury wheels,” would probably be a whole lot more acceptable to your brain, and over time, totally attainable in reality.

Also, “I’m no longer working for a shitty boss in a crappy office,” is not really the way to go, you know? It’s not about what you don’t want, it’s about what you do want. So getting clear on that is important too. “I’m deeply satisfied in my position as part of a thriving team with supportive management, feeling like I’m contributing in meaningful ways professionally.” Boom.

I honestly think the reason why affirmations can be difficult to come up with is because we’re not clear on what we want. We’re not clear on how we want to feel. We’re caught up in thinking about how to do things and tasks and old, tired, negative thought patterns about things we can never have. We’re scared to even attempt to believe we could have anything different. It ain’t easy to flip that script, no matter how short the script is.

But really, so many things worth having never come easy.

Point is, I don’t think affirmations and mantras and these positive thinking statements come easy to everyone, and that’s OK. To make it a little easier, I think it’s important to remember there are different versions of the overall concept, and that works differently in different people’s lives. The trendy way certainly works, but you also don’t have to put pressure on yourself to make it work for you. You can get to the same outcome doing it your own way.

So, maybe you never write or say an affirmation, but maybe you pray or meditate or scribble in a scratchpad on one specific situation, person, or word for a week straight. The idea is to direct your thoughts and attention in a specific way, to force some positive focus and intention on attraction. Maybe a clear statement will come out of it, maybe it won’t. But the negative blocks are a lot more likely to recede, and that’s the big goal.

And, I mean, once you believe yourself into a real nice Honda, you can totally believe yourself into that Ferrari.

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