Three things about fear.

about fear | kourtney thomas

I talked about getting more in touch with your intuition last week, and shared my experience about how I did it. And in that conversation, I mentioned fear. Today, I want to share more about how fear has played a role in both losing touch with myself, and then in gaining more connection back.

And I have to say, it’s slightly scary to even write this.

Which…is really the entire point.

But to back up a little, I want to start with how the fear affects the intuition. It’s not something I had a full grasp of until I started digging a little deeper. Remember how I said a huge part of how I was able to trust my instincts again was by talking about things out loud? Well, that was also the only way I was able to learn that much of what was leading me away from them was the sneaky, creeping, seductive voice of my fears.

It slinked into my life, little by little, over time. I went from doing, to doing less, to just thinking about doing, to not doing at all. This was the questioning everything phase, where I lost sight of my intuition and convictions.

As I started to have more conversations about my ideas and the things I feel passionate about doing, it came to light that I was feeling very afraid of doing those things, and that’s why I wasn’t actually doing them. I talk about it all the time with my clients, that fear is what holds us back from living the Big Life we want to live, and here I was, holding myself back in fear.

That’s not easy to take, but it is a wonderful thing to learn.

Because knowledge is power, and once you have that power, you are better armed to make decisions for yourself. Initially, I had resistance to the idea that fear was the problem. Shit, it’s embarrassing to admit at first. But when my coach encouraged me to make a list of my fears – “WHAT AM I MOST AFRAID OF as I move in this direction?” – I still did it. And it was two full pages long.

Two pages.

I dumped and dumped for ten minutes straight. It poured out of me like a raging waterfall. When I was through, I honestly surprised myself a bit. Like, I’ve been walking through life for the past six months this scared of everything? Of myself?

Again, tough to take.

But it made sense. And it especially made sense that it had been the reason I had become less in tune with my own senses. They were becoming numb with fear. But again, the beauty of the exercise is that the pain and embarrassment subsided quickly, and morphed easily into resolve. The ping pong balls were no longer pinging around in my head and heart, continuing to sow the seeds of self-doubt. All the chips were down, cards laid on the table, and it was easy to see that they were, indeed, just chips and cards. Flimsy playthings created by an artificial voice, and one that I instantly knew I could overcome.

Getting it all out releases the hold over you. It takes the power away from the fear and gives it to you. So, as you can probably suspect, point number one here is to make a list of your fears.

Literally, open up a document, or a page in your journal, and start writing. Let it flow. What are you afraid of?

This is obviously going to have to be targeted to whatever area of your life you are feeling disconnected from. For me, it was in a professional sense; that was the space where I was exploring ideas and feeling muddled. So, that’s where I purged my fears. Everything related to all my questioning went into the document. Examples:

People thinking this is so cool! Neat! Wow! But not ever wanting to spend any money on it with me.

It’s too big/uncomfortable/different/disruptive for people to take interest in in real life context.

Is this lifestyle stuff going out as a market?

I’m into this, but that doesn’t mean anyone else will be into it.

I won’t be able to execute it in a way that has an impact on the market/audience/real people in real life, and also supports and grows my business.

I have some major issues with comparison in this space. That likely holds me back from just doing, and doing my way and believing that my way is valuable. But what if my way is not actually valuable?

Too many people are doing this already, but WAY BETTER.

And there were 25 more. Ugh. I’m not sharing for you to poo-poo my fears and tell me they’re not real and make me feel better. I’m sharing because I need you to know that whatever you’re feeling is completely valid, and you are not the only one feeling it. And also, so that you can see, it’s all bullshit.

But more importantly, every fear can be faced, most problems solved, all obstacles overcome. And when you can see it in black and white that this is the only thing keeping you from the things you want? Those fears, problems, and obstacles all look a whole lot less threatening. Every single one of them has a logical answer. Every one can be figured out.

And that’s point number two: once you have it sitting in front of you, begin to take action on the figuring it out part.

For instance, looking at the responses above, some of these are personal narratives, some of them are about execution. Each of those things is totally doable to dig into, if one slightly more uncomfortable than the other.

Personal narrative example: I have some major issues with comparison in this space. That likely holds me back from just doing, and doing my way and believing that my way is valuable. But what if my way is not actually valuable?

OK, where is the comparison coming from? Who am I comparing myself to? Why? Am I comparing similar things? Do I know what’s really going on with that person’s life or business? Can I eliminate that noise completely, ie: unfollow them on social media? Do I notice if that makes a difference or not? What are the reasons that my way is valuable? Why might it be seen as not actually valuable? Do I have evidence for either argument, and what is that evidence? What would it look like if I believed in myself? What would it look like if it was not actually valuable? What would I do next?

Yes, that’s a lot of questions, but do you see where the line is going? All of those questions are able to be answered. And from those answers, I am able to get to the root of the problem, and ultimately, the root of the fear. I can blast it apart bit by bit, and use my answers to move forward in a way that makes sense.

Execution example: Is this lifestyle stuff going out as a market?

Is it? Where can I research this? Who are some influencers in the space, or some businesses similar to mine? How can I learn more about them and their operations and success? Can I research the market trends? What are those trends telling me? How can I use that to my advantage? Can I make a shift? Find some leverage? If this is going out as a market, what does that look like? What’s my next move?

Again, lots of questions, but all easily addressed. Research, collect data, make decisions.

Tame the fear. Make it your buddy. Or at least, your frenemy. Fear can absolutely hold you back – big fears, or teeny tiny ones, unless you can work with it in a way that can benefit you moving forward. This exercise of writing it down, and then breaking it down is a great way to do that. That in itself can be scary, but as you can see, it’s 100% worth it. This is the part that lets you move on to step number three: taking action.

That means do the damn thing. You’ve already acknowledged you were feeling scared, you’ve determined what the fear was, you’ve dissected it into pieces that take away its power, and now you’ve got the power to act. Your turn to trust yourself and make the next move, no matter how small. Every action builds more trust, more deep connection with your intuition. And every action makes the fear less and less scary.

Which brings it full circle. You’ve lit the flame of your intuition. You know what you need, deep in your soul. You know how to get it. And now, you know how to work with your fears to take concrete steps in the direction of your passion and this life you want to live.

You ready for that? I’m so ready.

If you’re up for it, I’d love to hear how this goes for you. Share in the comments below, or feel free to shoot me an email. You know I love emails!

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